Who is to Blame?

More than 40 million people live in poverty in the U.S.; that is a larger number than the total population of Canada or Argentina. More than 7.5 million people live together without being married, a figure that by definition must be unreliable for obvious reasons. The total of unmarried couples, including same sex, is closer to 10 million. More than 1 million children live with a divorced parent, almost 2% of all minors in the U.S. There are more than 14 million single parents raising approximately 28 million children. Considering a total population of around 320 million in our country, these bleak numbers may not seem particularly alarming, until we start adding them up: More than 60 million households offer a deficient environment for their children where the lack of adequate food, love and affectionate discipline cause havoc among the younger generation.

Let's be even more pessimistic: In homes where food is abundant, where clothing is more than adequate and where shelter is comfortable, there is a silent enemy that no national census can detect. Abuse, whether verbal, physical or mental, destroys self-confidence and creates severe internal emotional conflicts. The result? An asocial young man or woman who will look for solace in all the wrong places.

Foster care could be an oxymoron! Even though the government reports more than 700,000 children placed in foster care in 2010, it fails to explain that many of these foster parents do it only for the money they receive for each child. Many do nothing else and provide mainly indifference and neglect until the child escapes or reaches his/her majority. Granted, some of these kids show a complex picture of emotional disorders and can be difficult to raise; but if you are not willing to do your part as a foster parent, keep away and don't compound the problem.

Our  society is not doing a good job of instilling solid values in children and teens; marriage rate is in decline, teen pregnancy is on the rise, as is teen drug addiction, and gang membership. If the parents are divorced - a quick look at the children of celebrities confirms the fact, the kids will more often than not end up in bad company looking for the acceptance they failed to receive at home. When the parents are poor - again statistics confirm the fact, their children may suffer neglect because of a mother and/or father using alcohol and drugs, or simply because there is nobody to welcome them when they get home after school.

Children are our most valuable treasure as a nation that claims to be a role model for the rest of the world. And yet we are falling behind in most areas related to education; we are not involving the parents sufficiently, knowing full well that schools by themselves cannot replace the love and care of a home. We are too busy making money, buying the latest gadget, or simply working overtime to go to the game to watch our kid who is waiting anxiously for the father to show up.

The family as society's nucleus has eroded constantly for the last 40 years; how many travel together like the Griswold family who, despite their comical misadventures, were a model of affection and support? How many still participate in a family council (as a single mother of six told me recently) in order to air common grievances or positive ideas? How many teens feel comfortable talking to their parents about their most intimate concerns?

Let's face it! A successful and powerful nation like the United States depends on the existence of strong and united families. It's time our politicians put an end to their childish squabbles and infamous behaviors to show our kids that we can overcome any obstacle.

EDUCATION, A MATTER FOR THE STATES AND THE FAMILY

The Constitution clearly states that educating children is the exclusive domain of each individual state. I would add an important phrase:"and of the parents." A friend of many years recently complained to me that he was afraid that if he reprimanded his children the state would intervene and punish him. Such nonsense is the result of bureaucrats encroaching on our privacy and absolute right to punish our children as and when we see fit; the unwritten but well-understood rule is "without harming them."


Today's children know very well that CPS is ready to pounce on "unfit" parents and some of them blackmail their progenitors in order to obtain their wish. The problem is compounded by the laissez-faire attitude of many parents and the fact that so many kids come to an empty home after school.  Without a guide and a moral example at home, boys and girls tend to be influenced by older confused children and misguided peers. The television fare to which they suscribe for at least 4  hours a day certainly doesn't help them form a healthy criteria.


Many of today's successful and model citizens felt the caress of their dad's belt occasionally as children or the good spanking given by their loving mom. Fifty years ago, the corporeal punishment was routinely administered even in schools without any interference from the government. Nowadays, young people, with some notable exceptions, feel that they are entitled without having done the work to deserve it. "Give me" is a common phrase heard in many families rich or poor. In order to have peace at home, parents give in and satisfy the material request.


"Punish with love" is a phrase my mother often repeated as she metered out my well-deserved slap. That is the key that parents would do well to remember. A child is fully aware that he or she has misbehaved and that consequences must follow. That is just! Nothing riles up kids more than injustice; they complain loudly when their siblings seem to receive a more favorable treatment. A wise parent talks to all of them frequently and patiently, explaining the circumstances and the decision. Many teachers try to help parents in instilling moral values to their students. Only one big problem: They have between 25 and 150 kids to take care of every day. Nevertheless, their role as surrogate parents is essential in making a difference while there is a chance to mold a young mind.

Interference by the state government in family affairs should be limited to serious cases of criminal behavior such as leaving kids in a hot car, physical violence between parents, drug use, prostitution, sexual abuse and neglect. A simple phone call by an 11-year old claiming abuse should not result in a show of force by law enforcement and CPS. It should be handled discreetly, so as not to publicly humiliate innocent parents. We often forget that the media sometimes contributes to the public condemnation of innocent people by publishing their photos on the front page. Let us work with local agencies and law enforcement to determine whether a child has been criminally mistreated before we splash the case on the local television channel.


We have become a complacent nation with regard to education; we forget that kids need strict guidance and superior role models. We are limiting the power of parents and teachers to enforce discipline, a value that is essential in a successful adult life. It is natural for kids to test their boundaries, to explore, to talk back, to disobey their elders, to misbehave. We have to show them, with love and care, that there are limits and that society expects them to follow certain rules. Parents, teachers and local agencies should all work together to make sure the message is understood.